I vowed to never work with these kinds of people again.
Once upon a time I was given a golden opportunity. The likes of which make you go “Sounds far too good to be true”. But it was true. Ticking all the boxes: financial freedom, purpose, leadership opportunity etc. The works.
A few months in something felt off, and before the ink on the contract had dried the opportunity closed its doors again in the most tasteless and heartless way I’ve ever experienced. And I don’t use those words lightly.
I was shocked. Not understanding - even to this day - how and why it stopped. But mostly, I was taken aback by the dehumanizing manner of brushing someone aside.
"The line between good and evil runs not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart.” - Solzhenitsyn
Each of us is capable of evil deeds. I too have done my fair share. And then there’s also the notion of perspective: What might be considered malicious intent by one person, is considered normal by someone else. This is to say, my lens on this situation is skewed by the position I held.
The mastery is in obtaining the eagle's perspective.
Now back to the story.
I was K.O.
And in our biggest failures lie our greatest lessons.
This particular situation lead me to find my #1 value in business and even life.
My friend Nick - a deep thinker - sat me down. Listened to my sobbing self. And said: “Roel, how about we start doing things differently? How about we start putting the human factor first? As a non-negotiable.”
And there was something so simple yet so profound in his words. The irony was that we were sitting on a bench at Soulshine, a place that holds the slogan: Stay Human.
It all clicked.
Here’s my #1 value:
When I go into business or any type of relationship with you, our being human comes first. Trust is key and so is love for what we do. And so is understanding that when we collaborate we do it with our fullness. Transparent and honest. We are each accountable to see it through. If somehow we don’t make it, let us take each other along and process the speed bumps until they fade in the rearview mirror as we set for new horizons.
Humans first. Then we can talk shop.
Holding grudges serves no one and in a way I find deep gratitude in the lesson I learned. So this is not about shaming anyone or being victimized, I’ve fully forgiven the other person and sat with my own mistakes and owned my part of the show.
So what this is about, is the importance of getting clear on your values.
I realized, I don’t:
want gold if it sacrifices integrity
want leadership if it lacks taking care of others
want co-creation without equal accountability
want the world if it means giving up
my moral compass
Here are a few questions I ask myself to gauge if an opportunity or a relationship is right for me:
✓ Do I trust the other person completely?
✓ Can I deliver on the task or the vision?
✓ Can we both communicate in a non-violent way?
✓ Have we discussed what happens if it goes wrong?
✓ Does it truly light me up and make me come alive?
How about you? How do you know if something’s right for you?
Thank you for stopping by,
Roel W.T. Cruys
I'm Roel W.T. Cruys. Writer, community builder, lover of all things human nature. I help people and businesses communicate better and connect deeper.
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Beautiful message! As is with most, the things dear to us, like our values, surface while going through hardship! I know you have climbed out, from this in-humaneness, stronger, more authentic and aligned than ever bro! Much love, Nick